2007 Intercounty

The Lord of the Rings Intercounty tells an epic tale of good against evil, spanning three tales - The Fellowship of the Islanders, The Two Trousers of Gerrard and The Return of the drinKing .

The story begins at Bag End Baggage in the (Kirkwall) Shire, near the home of Frodo Brown. Frodo Brown is a Hobbit - a small creature with hairy feet and a large drinking appetite, not normally prone to adventuring...

Frodo Brown and his merry bunch of travelling companions set off in search of the mysical silver precious trophy stolen from the shire many years before by the evil bandit hordes of MoreMagners.

Having endured horrendous storms and waded across the barren swamps (plus alot of rough) the travellers reached their goal - The Bar.

Unfortunatly within it's walls they were poisoned with large quantities of alcohol forced upon them and combined with the exhaustion of their epic journey meant they were in no fit state to wrestle back the precious. THE END

Oh, the score... 20-10 to Shetland. You can see even more photos here!

2006 Intercounty

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So here's my lazy 29,000 word essay of how we lost to Shetland in Kirkwall this time round:

1st Hole A queue starts to build up at the first. Knew we should have put that Watt fellow out first!
Adrian shows how it should be done, not even a pose for the camera at the end of his swing... what? Oh, that is the top of his swing... I knew Melvin shouldn't have been giving him swing tips.
2nd Hole A Fox in its natural habitat?
Chris and Malachy swap pleasantries.. 'I say old bean, your looking fit & well' 'Thank you. Your looking younger than ever yourself...' or something like that....
Sandy uses a Stromness wedge to knock it close. Hang on, he lives in Orkney... can't he play for us? ...Apparently no, as his HC isn't realistic enough. Yes, I am bitter thanks for asking!
Dougie narrowly misses his nett albatross. Shame most of his team mates didn't. Bandits... whoops I meant to be impartial this time!
Watch out for a little prick on those thorns Glen :o)
What has Mr Gerrard been drinking?!
3rd Hole Neil unleashes one up the 3rd. Braaally good it was too.
4th Hole How's your flop shot George? Golden rule at 4th - don't go left....
...yes that's right Eric - DON'T GO LEFT. WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T GO LEFT. Olly has to putt to safety from the left... sheesh no wonder we lost!
5th Hole Eric enjoys the view. I always wondered why that ditch was marked as a water hazard!
Mark puts Terry in a tricky spot. GUR. Which was coincidently what Terry was thinking...
6th Hole This shot was sponsored by McEwans Export.
7th Hole George snap hooks one... naaaaaah it's a gentle fade towards the green...
Hang on! That's desperate tactics by Glen playing off the ladies tee!!! Ahhh Malachy's tee shot put him there! Campbell's enjoying this as he sits on the green in 1.
Malachy redeems his tee shot by putting 20ft right of the hole. Fortunately Glen reads it well and sinks it for a nett par. Which I missed so he kindly replaced it and did it again for the camera! What a pro. How's that 4fter for the half looking now Campbell?
Still smiling despite missing it eh! Classic matchplay.
16th Hole Marty & Adrian win a close match against Arthur Pottinger & his partner. Thanks to Arthur for the beautiful conditions - he forecasted rain! (I made the last bit up but I'm sure its true)
17th Hole New course alterations have seen large mounds appear at the 5th & 8th holes... there appears to be a new one here at 17 too!
or was Wallsy just resting while Ewen lined up a putt... rumour has it he's still there ;-)
18th Hole Just thought I'd show a photo of it as most Orkney pairs never got to see it! Speaking of which...
Olly points out his and Wickers 9&7 hammering in the morning fourballs. Is this the first time ever Wicker's never been competitive!!!
But one high point was the result of a challenge from Shetland's best Mr Stuart Fox for revenge on a certain Orkney pairing who had beaten him in Whalsay 3 yrs ago. How'd it go this time Eric? 4&2 is it... hee hee hee
His partner Maurice it seems decides its so bad he's selling his clubs!
It's a enough to give a man a drinking problem.
but he's not alone there by the look of this lot! The end of another fantastic Intercounty!
Well almost... Shetland also carried of the 'Low Breeks Trophy' thanks to Kevin Farquhar who came into his B&B in the early hours and fell over trying to get his trousers off. He woke next morning still on the floor with them round his ankles!

2005 Intercounty Diary

Rather than do a biased and bitter report I thought a diary of the actual events might be nice:

Thursday 11pm: An excited group of 19 of Orkney's finest golfers assembled on the pier looking forward to the challenge ahead - taking money off Paul Kemp at cards.

Friday 4am: Paul Kemp was asked to sleep in the centre of the boat as the weight of all his pound coins won at cards was causing the ship to steer in circles.

Friday 2pm: Practice went well in lovely sunshine, at last a game in shirtsleeves. Ronald Thomson was in top form with 39 stableford points to take the pounds. Everyone beat the target of more than 6pts (Malachy's total in Whalsey) although Steven Walls was close (13pts).

Friday 8pm: Team Chinese meal vanished quicker than the contents of Arthur Pottingers ball pocket.

Sat 9am: Fourballs - A fantastic win for Bu and Paul, and great halves from EWS & Adrian and Michael & Brian. A harrowing scream was heard from the 17th green when Brian had realised he'd just had a hole in one. Surprisingly it was good enough for a win on that hole! 7 jammy wins for Shetland however meant an 8-2 lead for the hosts.

Sat 2pm: Foursomes - Fabulous wins for Ronald & Jackie, Kenny & Malachy (beating the Shetland Club captain Gil who generously gave them 4 shots more than he should have! Mind you he did mark his ball with everything but his powacaddy or ball marker...). Arthur and Roy also won magnificently but again another 7 jammy wins for Shetland meant a scoreline of 15-5 after day one.

Sat 9pm: Coltard gets heartburn so what better way to solve it than scoop some whisky and head to the Indian with the rest of the team!

Sun 11am: Fourballs - Needing to win all 10 matches for a draw things looked promising right up until the first group teed off. It was downhill fast, much like Malachy's runaway powacaddy, as only Ronald and Jackie could win. Final score 24-6.

Sun 5pm: Shetland received the Viking Trophy and the congratulations from a sporting Orkney team... or something like that!

Sun 6pm: Photoshoot of both the teamsh.
Sun 8pm: Campbell beats Wallshey for a tenner in a er wan hole challengish...
Sun 9pm: Dougie leadsh a shing shong...
Shunday Midnight: No idea....

Monday 3pm: Snooker and bowls all round, least you don't get any nett eagles against you in them!
Monday 11pm: Home... bed... sleep...

Well done and many thanks to Maurice and his team for a great weekend and superb hospitality as always. Now were did I put the number of the Priory Clinic?

Maurice with some of his winning teammates.

The 2004 Intercounty: Stromness, 11-12th Sept

Intercounty 2004

The fifth Intercounty will be remembered for being the first to be won by the visiting team. Although after the Saturday morning's Foursomes this didn't look like being the case. Orkney winning 11 of the 16 games with one halved match meaning a 11.5-4.5 dream start. However many of the Shetland squad blamed their poor start on having partaken in the Stromness hospitality a bit too enthusiastically the day before!

By afternoon their heads had cleared as much as the weather and they fought back in the fourballs to get back to 17-14 overall. The fourball format obviously suiting the higher handicapped Shetland team. (Although this was not quite the phrase that was being used by many of the Orkney players after their drubbing!)

With the Sunday round also being Fourball it was sure to be a close finish. Sneaky Orkney tactics meant a dance was laid on at the club with plenty liquid refreshment but by now it seemed the Shetlanders were becoming immune!

In gale force winds Sunday's matches were more endurance than anything else and unfortunately for Orkney most games didn't have to endure the weather for too long. Another strong performance from team Shetland meant a 10.5-5.5 score and an overall 24.5 to 22.5 win.

Let's take a tour of the course on Saturday's afternoon Fourball matches...

1st: Ollie & Gary discuss tactics with Stewart. "they're small minty sweeties", "No no, that's Tic-tacs"...